The Power of Charisma: How to Get People to Like You

In November of 2012 I decided to join professional network/entrepreneurial brain trust.

The rationale was simple, successful people don’t succeed on their own.

There are two parts to the program:

• Monthly interviews with a wide array of brilliant people, masters and advisors that have helped countless people with productivity, health, psychology, and more
• Membership to an exclusive community of ambitious professionals to hold you accountable, encourage you, and help you live a Rich Life

I read as much (or more) than anyone I know, but reading is a time consuming endeavor.

This brain trust provides access to knowledge, wisdom and proven strategies that top performers use to…

1. Get more done
2. Stay focused
3. Earn more money

Below is a video preview and my notes from Olivia Fox Cabane discussing, among other things, how to become more charismatic and gain more influence in work and life.

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• Charisma is the quality that makes people like you, trust you and want to follow you. (Bill Clinton is the master).
• Charisma is made up of presence, power and warmth.
  • Presence: Being wholly in the conversation.
    • Biggest bang for your buck because it’s so rare in our current culture.
  • Power: Our perception of your ability to influence and impact the world around you.
    • Via money, intelligence, social capital, beauty
  • Warmth: The impression we get of how much someone likes u.
    • Primarily evaluated in the eyes and the voice
• Nothing ruins charisma and trust as fast as coming off fake.
  • Incongruence and inauthenticity
• “The people who know how to sniff out unspoken rules get ahead faster in society.”
  • Example: Adaptability usually trumps consistency
• Try out the crazy stuff in low stakes environments; stay close to home in high stakes situations (like job interviews).
• Don’t always worship at the shrine of the mind. Be intellectually present, but also emotionally present.
• Being presented by your bio can impressive, but your vulnerability is what makes you loved.
• “The world is your lab. Play around with it.”
• A good speaker can be head-driven. A great speaker must call upon awe and wonder, which hits our reptilian brain. You have to use emotions to get there.
  • Logic makes people think. Emotion makes them act.
• The best thing you can do to learn how to be charismatic is to learn how to play chemist with your brain: serotonin and oxytocin
• Ask yourself: “What do I want this person to feel after they meet me?”
  • And then let go of that expectation
• Be very conscious about anything you say after “I am…”
  • That’s your identity.
• To demonstrate power…
  • Take up a lot of space
  • Pause when you talk
• It’s entirely natural to feel imposter syndrome, but it’s no longer a useful emotion for modern humans.

Olivia’s book recommendations:

• “Difficult Conversations” – Douglas Stone
• “The Willpower Instinct” – Kelly McGonigal
• “Radical Acceptance” – Tara Brach

If you want access to all my interview notes, and additional insight and analysis on the mindsets and strategies that other top performers use, please subscribe below:

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